My Mental Health Story

At eleven, I was fascinated with death. I had suicidal thoughts, and I kept thinking that I was better off dead and nobody would care If I disappeared, I started to self-harm, I was also getting bullied about my weight which made the self-harming much worse. I told a teacher about my self-harming which I got help from. 

At fifteen, my grandad passed away from three brain tumours, he was the closest I had to a father, and when he died, I lost myself in the process. I had a mental breakdown to the point that I had to receive grief counselling sessions (CBT) which over the years I’ve had my fair share of, the self-harming later returned.

I’ve been taken to hospital a few times due to self-harming, the first time I saw the mental health team and they sent me on more counselling, which never worked for me, the second time I self-harmed after an argument, and I went up to the hospital, this time I didn’t see the mental health team as they only offer counselling, which they think that helps?

In early 2019, I went to the doctors and asked would I be able to be sent to the mental health team for more help, which I was granted. I had my first appointment which went well, In June that year I was sexually assaulted, I was later diagnosed with ptsd after having a panic attack when speaking about what had happened, I felt sick, lightheaded, I felt like someone had their hands around my throat and squeezing tight.

In my honest opinion, I have come a long way since I was a kid, I still struggle with suicidal thoughts and self-harming, ptsd at the moment is hard enough but with anxiety adding to the mix things can be crowded, I still don’t trust many people, I will always have a hard time making friends because neither they think I’m snotty or weird. 

Remember you matter, your feelings matter. If you can’t speak to a family member or a friend, please speak to someone, I will be leaving a link to the NHS website which has charities on there that will be able to help you. 


Picture Credit: Kim